When I first heard you were coming into my life, I was so scared.
Who am I kidding? Being “scared” doesn’t even begin to describe my emotions.
Looking back, I remember that day was already bad enough because my car at the time had a brake failure which required a tow to our auto mechanic.
All I could think to myself is “Oh My God, I am going to have a daughter. What am I going to do?”
“Will I be a good enough Dad for her? Will I be too hard on her? Will my son be a good influence on her?” “Will her Mommy be ok?”
Mommy had a hard time carrying you in her belly, but she had the very best of care. Those at Magee were absolutely fantastic (for the most part). You refused to enter this world the traditional way. Instead, you insisted on a cesarean section. I can still to this day remember that very first cry you made when the hospital staff held you during your very first breath of air. I will never forget it. I remember Mommy saying, “I want to see her.” I remember seeing your tiny face for the first time. Right there, my mind was changed. Instantly, the fear of a little girl was gone. Poof.
You and I shared a bit of alone time while the hospital staff was busy with Mommy. See, they put you in what is called an “incubator” to keep your body warm because newborn babies get cold very easily. It was during this time I talked to you, and you tried so hard to look right back at me, but I know you were listening to me. You’re a listener. Been from the start. Always keeping tabs of your surroundings.
I remember as you lay in that incubator, me telling you how much I love you, how proud I am to have a little daughter. How proud I’ll be to tell the world I have a daughter. I can remember the next day in the hospital, that little sound you made when you’d cry out. I can’t explain it, but I could hear the “little girl” in your voice. Strange? Maybe. But nevertheless, I could hear it. And that made me just love you even more.
Your brother, oh so proud he was of you and still is. No words out there can even begin to detail the level of love he has for you. He was happy when he first learned of your upcoming arrival. He’s been happy ever since. His love for you is so strong, it will always make him be there for you.
I know sometimes I am hard on you, but I just want you to be on the right track. I want you to grow up into the beautiful, successful young woman I know you’ll be.
Here you are, six years old already. So kind. So sweet. Such a tender heart. So caring to your family and friends.
So here you are. Growing bigger by the day.
And ever more so beautiful.
I just wanted to let you know how I feel.